Why another blog? If you know me, which if you’re here at this point, you must, you might be asking this question.
Let me digress for a minute.
Disobedience takes many shapes, doesn’t it? When I was growing up my mom would often tell me I needed to ________ (put my clothes away, go clean my room, stop hitting my sister)…and I would ALWAYS jump right up and do it (or stop doing it, if that applied)…
Except for a couple of times when the TV show I was watching was just too intriguing. And then maybe I forgot what she told me. Or maybe I hoped she just wouldn’t notice. Or maybe my sister was just not cooperating with whatever my current desires were and needed to be reminded who was boss.
There were times when the command to love my little sister seemed about as possible as walking the street barefoot on a Phoenix summer day. Maybe it was possible, but it would require a lot of self-sacrifice and it was going to HURT. (Sorry sister, it was me, not you…mostly…).
The disobedience was sometimes straight up rebellion (sorry sister), but with my perfectionist personality more often it was negligence or thinking I knew better. When it comes to obeying God, I see those exact same patterns in my life.
This blog had become one of those issues.
I’ve been putting off writing this for months. Years even. (okay, I’ll be honest, years.)
God tells us in His word to use the talents that He’s given us:
“In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you. If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well. If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly.” (Romans 12:6-8)
He says we should be devoted to the ministry that He gives us. I’ve been convinced for years that part of the talent He gave me, to be used, to minister to others, is writing. There really hasn’t been any doubt about that at all. It seems so simple. Think thoughts, write them down. Post. Done. But it isn’t that simple. There’s always been
- Another episode of some HGTV show
- Difficulty finding that writing groove once I sit down to actually type
- Lack of space for me to write
- a broken lap top
And now the challenges have only gotten bigger
- time to really sit down and write when there’s a baby crying/pooping/crawling/eating dog food/rocks/my earring/a piece of glass/the coffee table…
I also told myself things like
“I’m not really qualified. Who wants to listen to me? Why would they want to? What degrees do I have?”
Then I started paying a bit more attention to the bios of blogs I read. I noticed that these women have to their credit things like:
- enjoying a good cup of coffee and a fresh notebook page
- loves seeing how words connect with hearts
- being the mom of __ crazy wild kids and __rambunctious but adored dog(s) and a cat/rabbit/parakeet/moose
I realized that I too love a good cup of coffee and a fresh notebook. I love words and hearts. I am a mom of a crazy wild kid, and I think people might forgive me for not having the moose yet.
I realized that my assumed need of qualifications was more of a smokescreen for my laziness than for an actual problem.
Another thing I’d say to myself was:
“Why should I write when there are a million other writers out there? What do I possibly have to add?”
But then I remembered that my sister likes Zombie books. Different strokes for different folks, right? I remembered that people have different tastes. Maybe the things I have to say aren’t new, but maybe the way I say something will strike a chord with someone who just needed to hear it said a little differently. I mean, my mom doesn’t like Celine Dion’s voice. She knows it’s a good voice, it’s just not her preference. I get that. So for some people I might be Celine Dion. They don’t need to hear my voice.
But there will be others who hear it and are moved.
I started thinking, if God has given me a voice, isn’t it because He has given someone ears to hear what I might say? It doesn’t have to be everyone. Maybe what I have written is really for just one person who needs to hear that message.Who am I to say that’s not good enough?
Maybe the writing is not for anyone to read. Maybe it’s for me to learn something.
Who am I to say that’s not enough of a reason to write?
As I type right now I have a feeling of nervousness welling up inside me. I’m nervous that I’m putting this out there for people to read and then:
- no one will read it
- people might read it, but it will only be my mom and sisters
- people might read a few things I write but they won’t like it
- I will do what I’ve done before and only post once a week month year.
But fear is not a reason to stop. It’s not a reason to disobey.
So with some trepidation I click “post.” I hope you will come along with me for the ride.